Fiction Fiction Fiction
Oh in all the heavenly lands, they’ve done it again, Tobias sighed and kicked at the rock he’d been staring at for the last few minutes. When would she realize…
More about what/who Tobias is watching could be alluded to here. Set it up so that it’s shown/hinted at here that the female human (Tobias’s charge) is the one ended the RELATIONSHIP and then the ending won’t have to be so spelled out.
His thought trailed off and he slumped against the wall he was leaning againt. He looked up at the sky, “I don’t know what you see in these humans sometimes,” he muttered.
He pushed himself up from the wall, stumbled on the rock he’d just kicked—“Oh good gravy!”—and made his way across the park to the bench his charge was sitting on.
The park was decently filled for a Saturday in the cooler weather, but the humans were probably grateful for the fresh air and blue skies after all the rain He’d provided lately. But they’d be complaining about it soon. They always did.
Add more sensory details about the park. Add in the bit about the music.
The angel made it a point not to walk into anyone directly, but if they brushed arms or something, the humans—if they noticed it at all–would just think it was a brief gust of air or extra rain or whatever sensation fit the situation.
Approaching closer to his charge, he could see that she was sitting with her hands folded in her lap and her head tilted back. Her eyes were closed and she was muttering to herself or mouthing words of some kind—
Can go back here and add physical description to his charge
“Wait a minute,” he said out loud and stopped in the middle of the walkway. He was confused [10 mins] by what he was seeing.
He know knew where the music was coming from that he’d heard as he’d started his walk over here. It was coming from her earbuds. But it wasn’t the usually mournful love songs that she listened to afterwards.
If you’d just paid closer attention, Tobias, he heard a faint whisper on the wind but also in his head say.
“Hmmph,” Tobias said and made a digruntled face at the sky.
He’d tried being patient. Really, he had. But the humans were so…
Flawed? Offered the whispered voice again.
Tobias gave a quick nod.
I know, but I love them and this is why we do what we do, the whisper reminded him gently.
The music coming from his charge’s headphones—it was praise music, a mixture of hymns and newer contemporary music, a playlist his charge had created awhile ago. He noticed the tears streaming down her face and it finally clicked into place that she was singing.
LYRICS TO SONG HERE
Tobias just stood in front of her, staring. He had forgotten all about the other humans in the park. The laughter of the children and the calls of the parents DIMMED around him.
“What did I miss,” he demanded.
She left him Tobias. The sentence
was said in a had a whisper-like quality about it still, but Tobias could hear the pride and love in the tone.
This charge, this human—
Cheryl, He said gently but firmly.
“Fine,” Tobias muttered. “Cheryl,” he said begrudgingly. He’d followed her for YEARS. She’d been in a string of bad relationships almost the entire time. And this last one had lasted…LENGTH OF MONTHS.
Is this one the shortest? The longest?
“But…but…” Tobias sputtered, his rigid stance finally loosening
[In my brain I can picture Tobias tensed and his defenses are up because he doesn’t understand what he’s seeing. Where can I add more body language prior to this to make this apparent?]
,his arms falling to his sides.
Hang out with her the rest of the day, the voice instructed, and at the end of it, return to me. We have much to discuss.
Yes my Lord.
made the crossed the last few steps to the bench and sat next to his char—and sat next to Cheryl. Well this had certainly turned out to be an interesting day.
Do you have any darlings that you would love to share? Dig them out of a journal or writer’s notebook, sketches, your camera roll blooper reel–anything will do really 🙂 Share below or share with my via email 🙂
Note: Writer’s Digest is hosting a Flash Fiction February challenge on their website. If you’ve been around here for even a little bit, you know I talk about Havok All The Time and that I love Flash Fiction (and all short-form stories–they’re brilliant!).
As I wrote this this morning, I realized it was Darling Files week and that this could totally used for it! First and foremost because I literally write it at Ridiculous o’clock this morning and haven’t looked at it again until just now. No editing or revisions have happened to it. The purple font is to represent editing/revisions that I would implement in the next draft. I had to seperate some of the purple notes because in WordPress all the font in what they call a block (basically synonymous with “paragraph”) can’t be two different colors.
I hope you enjoy it!
Here are all the things I mentioned linked below:
Writer’s Digest Flash Fiction February // Prompt List thus far
Darling Files explained here by Callie Feyen and here by Rachel Nevergall.
My first Darling Files post is here.
// Monday, 2/13/23. 5:49am-6:20am. / In Gramps’ spare ’oom (a Chronicles of Narnia reference lol) while the rest of the Shingle Springs world is sleeping. Laptop breathing a bit but just morning quiet. Word count: 703
// 2/13/23 / 9:11pm-. setting it up on the blog. On the couch, Hobbit Hole noises. Total Word Count: 928