Do you know what I bought this longboard?

Because I get these random, hair-brained ideas that I can learn new things.

Wait. Scratch that.

I love learning, and I can learn new things.

I get these random, hair-brained ideas that I will stick to and be consistent in learning said new thing. Application is my speed bump. (Another contributing factor: Type 1s move towards 7s in health, so buying a longboard to support a favorite artist and to learn something new is not completely out of my wheelhouse #enneagram)

(Also Tara, the artist and owner of Rad & Happy, designed it, so it was an easy decision to make.)

But what I really think it boils down to: this longboard represents confidence. And the first place I practiced was at my parents’ house with both of them, Gramps, and Ant all watching and giving advice and cheering me on. (Learning new things in front of people is terrifying.)

I would not consider myself a confident human.

When I first reached out to my now counselor, one of the reasons I gave about why I wanted to start going to therapy was because I didn’t trust my gut. (Hi, my name is Tracy and I’m a pro at self-doubt.)

And while that’s still true a little over a year later—I crave assurance and reassurance, I ask lots of questions, and I double-check information frequently—I have noticed growth in this area.

I forget that confidence doesn’t have to be this huge bright shining burst of color every time. Confidence can be a slow burn. It can be stepping back, taking a walk, remembering to breath, asking for help, learning how to create Reels or TikTok videos. It can be making sourdough starter, saying no, praying, hanging out with a friend, learning something new, quitting something, a favorite t-shirt, fan-girling. And it can manifest itself over time in daily habits and rhythms of our lives. Confidence can be a moment, a tiny pinprick of light

And so, in trying to examine and observe confidence in my own life for this month’s writing theme, these are the moments that stood out to me.

Confidence lately has looked like…

…nailing that big job developer presentation mid-October…

…sticking to my personal beliefs and values and leaving that safe job and pay raise…

…taking the month of December off to enjoy the holiday gatherings and pretty lights…

…offering friends and family to help out with errands and babies…

…knowing that God’s got this—this life, this circumstance, this season, this moment…

…going to church week after week, opening my Bible and taking notes…

…watching football games and asking questions and learning about the game…

…reaching out to friends through text even when that self-doubt voice speaks up…

…trying on clothes in the dressing room even when I don’t feel comfortable in my body…

…loving the color yellow…

…wearing my Minnie Mouse ears to Disneyland…

…fan-girling over Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge, designed after an outpost in Batuu, last week…

…taking a picture with Pooh Bear and riding his ride…

…riding the Inside Out-inspired ride at California Adventure, Emotional Whirlwind…

…riding Incredi-coaster twice. (oh man, I do love me some roller-coasters.)…

…exclaiming “Hi Chewy!” to Chewbacca in Star Wars Land and waving unabashedly at him…

…asking for certain pictures to be taken…

…learning to longboard (as mentioned above)…

…playing Dungeons and Dragons, loving the characters I’ve created, and watching Critical Role…

…reading so many novels…

…learning about copy-writing and content writing and then posting about the lessons in the Facebook group to help hold me accountable…

…loving movies, llamas and alpacas, Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, the sky, taking walks, black coffee with my whole heart…

…unabashed excitement for riding a ride, seeing a favorite character walk around Disneyland,

…cheering on friends and strangers at Folsom’s Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving Day…

…being inspired to run and actually enjoying it…

…seeing the details in the rides at Disneyland that help make the park an immersive Story experience…

…mailing postcards to friends and family…

…driving friends to two local parades during the holidays and parking in designated small town parade areas…

…playing in the snow…

…and then making the decision to stay at a friend’s house until our internet (and power) was restored…

…loving Story in all forms…

…becoming a Star Wars and Marvel fan just within the last six months…

…interacting with people I follow on Instagram and having internet friends…

…referring to writers, artists, speakers, and influencers that I follow on Instagram on a first-name basis when I talk to Ant about something that showed up on their stories…

These are in no particular order, they’re just moments I’ve noticed recently. As we move from the middle of January into the second month of the year, I hope to notice these confidence moments more often.

Where have you seen confidence shine through in your life lately?

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These thoughts on confidence were written as part of a monthly theme from Illuminate, a writing community from The Kindred Voice. Read more stories on confidence from other Illuminate members:

Masculine Displays Of Confidence by Adeola Sheehy-Adekale

When You Know, You Know by Laci Hoyt

Want Confidence? It’s All About YOUR Intuition by Christi Jeane

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Writing Notes

1/18/22

// 6:28pm-7:18pm. my spot on the couch, listening to last Friday’s Release Radar on Spotify. Word total: 654.

//7:18pm-7:45pm. Editing the post specifics and then figuring out how to send the link in. Selected a picture, submitted the link.

1/23/22

// 1:14pm-1:29pm. dining room table, Hobbit Hole noises. Added blog hop links. Final word count: 740

// =7:15pm-7:57pm. starting to draft an IG post to “advertise” this blog post and realized I really like this intro. So, I’m back and adding words :). Pink rocking chair. Hobbit Hole noises. New intro word count: 185. TOTAL word count: 972.