Fare Thee Well, Ogres*

I have said “goodbye” and “see you later” and hugged many people tight many times in the past eight months, with more that happened this month. I’ve been mentally preparing to goodbye to some favorite humans officially since last fall, all of us thinking we’d have a year left—I started thinking of lasts and presents and then it sped way up and then mid-March came and we cried and loved the husband-half of this family who is moving across the country. As this goes live, it will have been nine days since we hugged the wife-half and babies a little harder and longer, saying to them, “See you soon.”

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Margin Notes: My Journey Through the Bible in 2020 // Weeks 2 + 3

margin notes week_2and3 a

This year one of my goals is to read my Bible everyday. I’ve always thought a chronological Bible would be cool to read and I’ve been curious to try the Christian Standard Bible (CSB version), so November-ish of last year, I bought one. For the beginning of 2020, I’m starting in EXODUS. And while, 16 days out of 25 isn’t perfect, it’s way better than I’ve done in past years.

Along those same lines though, I’ve wanted a way to record things I’ve learned along the way–fun, random, interesting, etc. The detailed-me is cringing that I didn’t think of this the very first day of 2020 (or when I first started reading this chronological Bible), but that’s okay! Another one of my goals is to write here more, so I’m going to start with Weeks 2 and 3.

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Dear Grandma, Love Tracy

This woman’s fingerprints are all over my childhood–camping trips, summers, riding on the center console to the hair dresser’s house. She was at every school play, graduation, hoe down, and choir performance. Less so as I grew up, got married, and moved 45ish minutes away, but it was an honor to write a small overview of her life. My only regret is that I didn’t learn about her life and write about it sooner. I know Christmas in heaven this year is going to be beautiful. And I can’t wait to see the garden you’re working on.

July 9, 2013. Photo credit: Studio Twenty Photography

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WARNING: Don’t Do Life Solo!

I’m a bit of a sporadic blogger. I am a sporadic blogger at best. After I wrote about God being weird, I overthought my review post of A Thousand Splendid Suns. (I’m pretty sure I cried about it. Here’s my current review of it: just go read it). And Anthony and I decided I needed to focus on writing my novel because that’s my Number One. I’ve always wanted to be an author. But I’m also all about the Shiny New Thing. And blogging, for me, is that Shiny New Thing. (Similiar to Twitter, when I first signed up haha).

But tonight I needed to put something out there because it literally just hit me. I’ve gotten back into journaling recently (as in: I’ve been journaling again regularly for about a week and a half). It’s so good for my soul, people. I think 100s of things every day in response to what I’m reading – novels, Non-Fiction books, articles, Facebook posts, conversations at work – and by not journaling I push all those thoughts to the back and eventually it all comes out in tears and kleenex to my patient husband. (Which also might be why I love this space: I have another Thought Outlet).


One of my favorite Bible verses says:

“Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there were none of them.” – Psalm 139:16

I initially fell in love with this verse because it stood out to me during a struggle. God knew about that particular struggle. He knew about the trouble we would have with Anthony’s Ford Taurus. He knew we would owe money this year instead of receiving a refund. He knew about Hanky dying. He knew about troubles we’ve experienced at our jobs. He knew of all the past bad days. He knows all the future ones. And it might sound strange, but even when there’s no one who understands what you’re going through, it’s comforting to know that God knows. He didn’t cause the health issue or the flat tire or the Taurus to be in the shop for a week (maybe closer to two). But He did know about them. So, you can be mad at Him or be so thankful He’s walking with you through it.

There’s a flip side to this verse. One that I never considered until tonight (only because I experienced a very big, personal win in my life).

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#throwback to December 2015 when I received my NaNoWriMo Winner’s t-shirt in the mail. (Of course I put it on right away!) Just another adventure God knew about 🙂

David writes in the above verse that God knows all our days. So, if God knew all of our past bad days and knows all about the ones coming up, it’s safe to say: God knows all of our good days, too.

*sigh of relief*

This is great news, people! God knew that Anthony would be baptized and that he’s growing into a wonderful Christian man. God knew we would get married. God knew that Ant would surprise me for my birthday this year. He knew I would reconnect with my friend Monica. He knew we would find Moochy. He knew we would love our Auburn church family. He knew we would move to Meadow Vista. He knew we would paddle board together in Lake Tahoe and have bookish adventures in Clear Lake.

God also knows of all our future good days, too! All about Anthony’s future engineering/architecture career. When my book will be published. When we will be able to have children. Where we will live. He knows all of the fun, amazing, silly things we will get to be apart of in our future life together.

I love that.

Thank God, we don’t walk through dark times by ourselves. (Because I’ve tried relying on myself during hard times. All that results in is more tears, more guilt and shame, the higher more unattainable the expectations are). But this thought, this truth, that God is on the other side of our struggles: now that’s something to run towards. With God I can soar (a very loose translation of Isaiah 40:31). With God, all things are possible (Philippians 4:13). Because He’s giving me strength through the trial and He’s on the other side, waiting for me to see the joy that perseverance and trust in Him brings.

David to God (again):

“For it is you who light my lamp; the Lord my God lights my darkness.” – Psalm 18:28*

We don’t have to do life by ourselves. Thank you, God, for walking with me through life’s dark times and being there on the other side of them. The joy and comfort this brings me is indescribable.

*and this is only one of the verses in the Bible about God being light in our lives. Start in Psalms and go through Proverbs with your pink and yellow highlighters so that the next time you need light in your life they stand out on the page.

Bob & God

Note: This post was supposed to roll out Monday evening. And naturally I would live up to every word in this blog post. Instead, Life happened like it likes to. Monday night I dealt with bugs and couldn’t concentrate. Tuesday I stayed an hour later for work. Last night was Bible Study. I came home last night just so grumpy and irritated, picking at Anthony and frustrated with myself. I cried because the only productive day it felt like I’ve had was all the way back at the beginning of this week: Sunday. It seems like a distant memory  now. Then last night I read Nicole Dianne‘s words: “…you have to be the one to take action. As with most things in life, hobbies and interests don’t just land in your lap…when you pursue creativity, it too will find you.” Amen. So, without further ado, I present you “Bob & God.” Happy Thursday, Friends! May you give yourself enough grace the rest of this week to pursue your dreams.

I’m currently reading Love Does by Bob Goff. On page 133 he writes this:

“I think God is more of a Half Dome traveler than a Hampton Inn traveler. Jesus doesn’t invite us on a business trip. Instead He says let’s go after those things that inspire and challenge you and let’s experience them together…”

Bob Goff is one of those people who just talks so relateably about Jesus and Life. The things that inspire and challenge me – writing, reading, church, devos and Bible studies, relationships, my attitude, health – I struggle with viewing those areas of life as God experiencing them with me. I’ve always viewed them as for God. There’s a difference. The latter implies sacrifice (which Bob talks about in Chapter 13) and working and not a loving relationship with a loving God, more like a relationship you have with a supervisor or manager. The former makes life a whole lot easier to look at, a lot less lonely, and more than just bearable – it’s fun! With God I’m not just not tired, I’m running. I’m soaring! (Isaiah 40:29-31).

“…You don’t need a lot of details or luggage or equipment, just a willingness to go into the storm with a Father who’s kicking footholds into the steep sides of our problems while we kick a couple in ourselves too…”

I love details. And lists. And plans. Routines. I love crossing things off. Which is why I’ve finally once again planned out a daily schedule for myself and given myself goals for this month. Two living, breathing, attainable goals. (“Intentionality, people!” – Dave Ramsey) But there comes a time when I’ve planned too much, made too many lists, taken too many notes, sat through too many classes, live events, and webinars. When life is overwhelming and everything runs around in my head, I tend to go to the extreme: Do Nothing. Goals don’t exist yet here. Dreams stay dreams. Chances are I will absorb some new/interesting/fun information related to my genre or readership or the craft of writing in general or about Christianity, attitude, living, or health, but what’s the point of absorbing information if I’m not giving myself the time and space to process any of it? If I could, I would be a Forever Student. Well, I am one because I’m always learning wherever I am. But I would really go back to school just to be in school, taking a whole bunch of random classes that add up to nothing except a major in Life and Fun and Learning. I love being a student. However, that’s not the point of college. A degree helps you specialize in one area. Which is why I don’t see myself going back to college anytime soon because 1) it’s not in the budget to send me to school for fun and 2) my focus right now is Writing.

I rarely see Life as the adventure it is, let alone an adventure with God. I NEED to be better at remembering- knowing – He is on the journey with me. He isn’t my supervisor or manager, who observes me working down here on earth or sits in His office. He is my Father. He is walking with me. He’s trying to lead. (Am I letting Him?) He is my peace (Ephesians 2:13-16) in the Half Dome-sized problems and seemingly insignificant ones, too.

I haven’t made much progress out of Dreamland since my epic river jump at the end of last summer. In 4 months and 11 days I accomplished things. Anthony and I saw Jim Butcher, author of The Codex Alera and The Dresden Files series, at a Copperfield’s book signing. (Now that was an adventure!) I attended Michael Hyatt’s online Influence and Impact Summit. I won a 1-year free membership to Platform University as a result of that Summit. I got like three colds. We learned our cat is allergic to a White Fir Christmas Tree. I did win NaNoWriMo with 51,000+ words – a HUGE step out of Dreamland, but the first draft still isn’t finished. I reblogged this post about infertility and scared my sister – and possibly confused others. (For personal reasons, but not quite in the same capacity, I relate to infertility posts. And I admire those who are so honest and vulnerable on the internet about their personal lives and struggles).

Getting out of Dreamland is hard. Some days it takes sheer determination and doesn’t always feel like an adventure.

“…He guides us into those footholds with His strong hands while we’re safely tethered to Him by a bright red rope of grace, which holds us securely…”

However Thursday, February 4th became my new January 1st. As previously mentioned, I now have a schedule of my daily life. Novel Writing is scheduled between 8 and 9 o’clock at night during the week. (While it’s a priority, it still comes after Anthony and I eating dinner and washing dishes). Somewhere between 3 and 4 hours of writing time will happen on the weekends. Home and Health – physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual – are priorities this year as well.

I have a Bullet Journal in the works that I’m actually using (!!!).

February is Operation Finish Amy Story First Draft.

Also, God will be the start to my days! I know I am a much nicer, happier human after I’ve spent time with Him. And it will help give my whole heart and mind to my day job.

“…the terrain we navigate doesn’t seem as scary either, because when you’re on an adventure with God we’re too excited to be afraid and too engaged to be thinking of anything else.”

And thanks to Bob Goff I’m not just working for God, I’m living right alongside Him. He is holding my hand, asking me to continue to put my faith in Him. I’m still holding a piece of paper with my scribbled details and questions but I’m looking at it less often. Because I’m connected to Him.

So, until my novel’s complete first draft is resting peacefully in my desk, this may be the last post for awhile (which isn’t unusual for me at all). Look for me in March-ish: while Amy’s story naps, I will become a student of WordPress.

I know I’m a month behind, but I don’t want my lack of movement in January to dictate the next 11 months of 2016. I am dreaming Big Dreams this year and planning Baby Steps to accomplish them.

Fare thee well, Readers, God and I have a story to write!