wonder

I will be 28-years old in a month and half-ish. I will celebrate my 6th wedding anniversary this summer. I don’t roll well with change and my default is emotional. I think too hard and I laugh too loud. I’m still so naive and I still can’t really pick up on sarcasm. I love fictional characters too much and I am super protective of my people. Ant and I don’t celebrate Valentine’s day; we’re basically an old married couple already haha.

I work 40 hours a week. I have health care and a solid beginner emergency fund and we budget every month. I am responsible to a T and don’t know how to take days off for fun.

But I love the color yellow and the smell of books (new, old, and used.) The sound of rain is music.

Snow is something to get excited about. If a joke or something funny happens at work or home, I can ride that good moment high for the rest of the day. Bookstores and libraries are my happy place. Sitting in the pink chair next to the heater, with the cats in the living room and Ant playing a video game is my other happy place. A mid-week night at my second home, eating dinner in “my spot” on their couch laughing about wizard lizards and gnomes named Bimpnottin will often make that the highlight of my week. I love  puzzles and writing and watching TV shows with Ant and I will always be a Harry potter fan. I always ask for postcards from friends who go to faraway places like Chicago and Japan and South Korea. And don’t get me started on office supplies–planners, composition notebooks, pens, college ruled paper–#alltheofficesupplies. (Staples, I love you.)

It snowed Saturday night and it was the coolest thing to wake up to. After getting ready for church and being a responsible adult, I ran outside to see it. I videoed it and took pictures of it. I Marco-Polod friends and the sister so they could see it. I reveled in the crunch under my shoes. The sky was so white. The trees were too. The world was quiet and still and peaceful in the winter wonderland. (At least, as much as 3/4 of an inch can be a winter wonderland.)

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And then Ant came out and we were throwing snowballs at each other and we were throwing snow in the air. And there was snow in our hair and on our clothes and…it’s only worth being outside in the cold when there it’s snowing. And there was laughter and excitement and it was fun.

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Two-ish weeks ago, we had the first snow day of 2019. It was on a Tuesday. On a day I didn’t want it to snow because I felt there was something too important at work to miss. It was cool to see it, but I stressed myself out over it and wore myself out so much that I ended up napping at 11am before finally being able to relax. (I know, I know, it’s a whole thing.) I did end up enjoying that snow day–you know, by the time it had already melted.

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Sunday, though, I got a do-over. And I hope I never lose that sense of wonder and excitement over 3/4 inches of snow.

One of the things people comment positively about me most often is my excitement of little things. The first time we attended the Reptile Expo, I was over the moon excited to see the tiny little turtles and tortoises. We got to TOUCH an alligator. (They’re squishier than they appear to be.) I got excited about the only dog at the expo. My favorite DnD character is my 290-year old gnome named Agabus. And guess what? She’s obsessed with llamas. And so I kinda love llamas in real life too. I have three llama mugs and Ant bought me a llama book for Christmas. I helped make snowflakes during Christmas for work (I was channeling my day program arts and crafts side) and hung them all over the cafeteria and work floor ceilings. (It really helps a place look like Christmas.)

There’s a hill outside of my office that I park next to when the actual parking lot is full. It’s a dirt hill with some plants. I told a friend once that walking up that hill through the bushes reminded me of Agabus and her bursting into places with her high-level energy for a 290-year old gnome lady.

The other day I parked next to that hill in the rain. I put on the hood of my flimsy zip-up hoodie, grabbed my coffee, water bottle, both phones, and geared myself for making it up the hill without falling down in the mud. (Mission accomplished.)

Upon entering the lunch room for a paper plate, three co-workers proceeded to tell me that they watched me bounce up that hill from the window. (I’m sure it was quite comical, as I also remember talking to myself most of the way up.)

I enjoy being that happy, bouncy person.

When Ant and I were first dating, he told me that one of the things that had attracted him to me was my happiness, that I always seemed happy. We’ve been together long enough for him to know that I’m not. I have a fair amount of sassy and feisty in me as well and my funniest moments are usually accidental (or so I’ve been told). Not that sassiness and feistyness are bad things, but unchecked they can become sarcastic and stem from sadness, anger, or frustration. And I was also recently told that if I was happy all the time, then I couldn’t be Sadness anymore. (And Sadness is my favorite.)

It’s so easy for me to get caught up in work or life stuff, worries and problems, and not being or doing good enough. But I do want to be that happy, bouncy, I-love-life human that everyone else sees and laughs with.

So, when I woke up to our second snow day in twelve days, I took full advantage of it. The worries went away for a bit and the beautiful, powdery, fluffiness got my full attention this morning.

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I hope I never lose my sense of wonder and excitement in a world that is constantly changing and filled with grumpy people. I hope I always strive to see the fun, little things and help people remember that there are always things to get excited about.

P.S. Actual conversation from this morning at 6ish a.m.–Ant: It snowed again last night. Me: Are you serious? Ant: You should look outside. Me: Oh wow! I’m not staying here. I’m going to work today. Ant: Me too.

Just look at it guys! The world was so sparkly and shiny 🙂

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2 thoughts on “wonder

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