I’m a bit of a sporadic blogger. I am a sporadic blogger at best. After I wrote about God being weird, I overthought my review post of A Thousand Splendid Suns. (I’m pretty sure I cried about it. Here’s my current review of it: just go read it). And Anthony and I decided I needed to focus on writing my novel because that’s my Number One. I’ve always wanted to be an author. But I’m also all about the Shiny New Thing. And blogging, for me, is that Shiny New Thing. (Similiar to Twitter, when I first signed up haha).
But tonight I needed to put something out there because it literally just hit me. I’ve gotten back into journaling recently (as in: I’ve been journaling again regularly for about a week and a half). It’s so good for my soul, people. I think 100s of things every day in response to what I’m reading – novels, Non-Fiction books, articles, Facebook posts, conversations at work – and by not journaling I push all those thoughts to the back and eventually it all comes out in tears and kleenex to my patient husband. (Which also might be why I love this space: I have another Thought Outlet).
One of my favorite Bible verses says:
“Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there were none of them.” – Psalm 139:16
I initially fell in love with this verse because it stood out to me during a struggle. God knew about that particular struggle. He knew about the trouble we would have with Anthony’s Ford Taurus. He knew we would owe money this year instead of receiving a refund. He knew about Hanky dying. He knew about troubles we’ve experienced at our jobs. He knew of all the past bad days. He knows all the future ones. And it might sound strange, but even when there’s no one who understands what you’re going through, it’s comforting to know that God knows. He didn’t cause the health issue or the flat tire or the Taurus to be in the shop for a week (maybe closer to two). But He did know about them. So, you can be mad at Him or be so thankful He’s walking with you through it.
There’s a flip side to this verse. One that I never considered until tonight (only because I experienced a very big, personal win in my life).
David writes in the above verse that God knows all our days. So, if God knew all of our past bad days and knows all about the ones coming up, it’s safe to say: God knows all of our good days, too.
*sigh of relief*
This is great news, people! God knew that Anthony would be baptized and that he’s growing into a wonderful Christian man. God knew we would get married. God knew that Ant would surprise me for my birthday this year. He knew I would reconnect with my friend Monica. He knew we would find Moochy. He knew we would love our Auburn church family. He knew we would move to Meadow Vista. He knew we would paddle board together in Lake Tahoe and have bookish adventures in Clear Lake.
God also knows of all our future good days, too! All about Anthony’s future engineering/architecture career. When my book will be published. When we will be able to have children. Where we will live. He knows all of the fun, amazing, silly things we will get to be apart of in our future life together.
I love that.
Thank God, we don’t walk through dark times by ourselves. (Because I’ve tried relying on myself during hard times. All that results in is more tears, more guilt and shame, the
higher more unattainable the expectations are). But this thought, this truth, that God is on the other side of our struggles: now that’s something to run towards. With God I can soar (a very loose translation of Isaiah 40:31). With God, all things are possible (Philippians 4:13). Because He’s giving me strength through the trial and He’s on the other side, waiting for me to see the joy that perseverance and trust in Him brings.
David to God (again):
“For it is you who light my lamp; the Lord my God lights my darkness.” – Psalm 18:28*
We don’t have to do life by ourselves. Thank you, God, for walking with me through life’s dark times and being there on the other side of them. The joy and comfort this brings me is indescribable.
*and this is only one of the verses in the Bible about God being light in our lives. Start in Psalms and go through Proverbs with your pink and yellow highlighters so that the next time you need light in your life they stand out on the page.