Day 22 “lessons from quarantine”

here, today, right now

the only moment we have

i’m embracing it

This one came to me while putting away today’s second load of laundry. How do you wrap up an entire 157 days worth of lessons in 17 syllables?

And let’s be honest, I haven’t been learning this entire time.

I have fought quarantine, and all it meant mentally and emotionally, for a long time.

Thinking back on it, it feels like mid-June was when I started to accept it, while still fighting the settling feeling that this is it.

The daily mental fight against settling into a “new normal” has lessened, but only because I know what I need to do to keep my job and help my clients. Because I know what I need to do buy groceries and toiletries. To continue to support Flour Garden one small black coffee and chocolate croissant at a time.

But I’ve wrestled with myself this season, so much. Nothing worth it is usually easy, and quarantine wasn’t even a welcome hit-the-brakes. I fought that too. (I fight most things.) I didn’t want a break. I like what we did every other Monday, Wednesdays, and Friday nights. I like seeing my church family every Sunday. I like playing D&D in a home, around a table. I miss holiday Awful Annie’s brunches with our other halves. I miss celebrating and seeing people intentionally and randomly.

Am I thankful for it now? Yes, hands-down I am.

I wrote about it in an earlier poem this month, but I didn’t want to stay home. And I love home. But someone in government told I needed to stay home–minus my essential service–and I wanted to go everywhere. Quarantine initially just amplified my struggles and insecurities.

Since the dust has settled a bit since mid-March, I’m learning that home is a soft place to land, a safe place. It’s always been one, but more so these past 157 days. The hit-the-brakes, no plans three nights of the week, has left Ant and I with more free time. We’ve watched lots of movies and started playing board games more often. At the absolute worst, it’s helping us save money for the next step in our financial plan.

I’m here on the blog more often because of these poems. We invested hard-earned cash money into my blog, and I’m planning on learning about and starting an email newsletter. I’m starting to come home, eat dinner, pull out the laptop, write, and publish the post immediately. That’s a whole new thing I’ve never done before. I’m learning I can write from home, as opposed to only in coffee shops or diners.

I’ve learned that I can be more present in my niece’s and nephew’s life on my sister’s side. Since my family is the main group of people we can hang out with, then we drive through the canyon more often.

I’ve learned that I’m on the fence about Hamilton.

I’ve learned that too much news is a bad thing and I’m starting to unsubscribe from some of those sources because I don’t need them in my inbox everyday.

I’m learning that while seeing friends face-to-face is so very important, text messages, phone calls, cards, and Marco Polos are meaningful right now. And I firmly believe communicating via technology won’t replace in-person hangouts. It’s just different right now and I can adjust.

I think I’m starting to learn that I might be able to live in a different state without my people just fifteen minutes to an hour away from me. It still gives me some anxiety, so I don’t dwell on it too much, but it’s definitely crossed my mind.

I’m learning that my love for my people isn’t fragile (thank you Kristoff) and I am actually a very solid human and that I’ve come a long ways relationship-wise.

I learned how to BBQ and cook Boy Choy and make two different kinds of pesto sauce.

I’m learning to observe the process of planting a seed and watching a small tomato plant grow.

I’m learning that if an add for a Bible study pops up enough times on Instagram, then maybe I should sign up for it.

I’m seeing rainbows everywhere and I’m not sure what they mean beyond God keeps his promises (and he won’t flood the entire earth again). And I want them to mean more than that, but I think for now it’s okay.

And, I’ve arrived at exactly zero of these. I haven’t leveled up. I’m still learning them. And all of these lessons, named and unnamed and the ones I’m still mulling over and wrestling with, are constant reminders that I only have the present day, and this is what poem was born from.

I’m consistently reminded that I need Jesus. I need to keep my eyes on him, stay in my lane, and learn to pivot.

What are some of the lessons you guys have been learning during quarantine?

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Writing Process Notes:

8-22-2020

// like 5 mins earlier today whole putting away the second load of clean laundry.

// 8:15ish pm to 9:30pm. 1.5 hour+. some social media distraction. dining room table. listening to Ben Rector (from newest to earliest). after a full day with Friend Monica. total words: 888